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Extra Extra Read All About IT
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Extra Extra Read All About IT A few Jokes and Poems TO End The Day TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T 10. Nuts...my shaft is bent. 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. 7. Look at the size of his putter. 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more. 5. Mind if I join your threesome? 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it. 3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired. 1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first. TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX..... 10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me. 6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are. 5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy. 4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. 3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2. Less guilt the morning after. 1. You can do the whole neighborhood. Help Line Loser If you can't laugh about this you need help.... This is a supposedly a true story from the Word Perfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, the person is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "termination without cause". This is from the taped conversation leading up to dismissal : "Word Perfect Technical Desk, may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!" "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. "Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." ".......Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power outage." "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." Afew poems; I Wish I Was A Donut I Wish I Was A Donut I wish I was a donut And get eaten every day To stick on someone's fingers In a most delightful way I wish I was a donut Sugar coated just for fun Full and round for easy grip And a hole to put your tongue I wish I was a donut Long and filled with custard cream Delicious on the taste buds A succulent silken dream Copyright; Therese Poem Title: The Spell There is a spell in your eyes, Which has kept me captive. It has showed me a light That will lead me down a path. A path withso many turns, A path with so much thorns Which I will pass. Your eyes hold the spell, Which has melted my heart. It has promised truth because it shows your simplicity. It shows your understanding And are your care. The spell in your eyes has done me so much |
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